Lord,
I'm raw material.
I could be made into something useful,
even wonderful.
But, as it is,
I'm full of impurities
and I cling to them
so that they persist
in spite of your cross
and their bad consequences
in my life.
I long to see your face
but I will be ashamed
because I have done
nothing with all you have given me,
even after you have loved me so much.
I have sought earthly help
from your ministers,
but they refuse to take me seriously.
they pat me on the head
and tell me to be content and pray.
I pray
and my heart is breaking
because it cannot rise higher
being so heavy with sin
or with desires for sinful things.
It is not so much guilt over sin
as frustration.
I have seen saints
rise very high.
Married ones,
single ones,
some farmers,
some priests.
Why must I lie here
in rags and sores,
hearing of a Glory
my own will refuses me?
My God,
please send someone
to release my heart
and train me in holiness.
My God, my God,
please
do not abandon me.
How have we served you?